Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

OUR Country

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am sending you this letter on behalf of many Americans.    

What happened to capitalism and free enterprise?  What happened to allowing failure as well as success? 

Wasn’t  the $700  billion  in TARP money supposed to have saved the global economy?   Wasn’t it at least suppose to save America’s financial system, and buy the toxic assets and enable lending institutions to start “loaning” money? 

The money hasn’t been used for its original intent —– and 1/2 the money hasn’t even been spent.   Where did the money that has been spent go???   Oh silly us – of course – we the people bought  2 automobile companies.  Remember Chrysler & General Motors?  Oy, what a deal! 

If the economy is on the upswing – why spend the balance?  That’s right –  that tidy little stash is being spent on bribes and re-election campaigns, like the Louisiana Purchase, Corn-husker Deal and the sweetheart deals with the unions?

There’s no time to clean out the “swamp”, like Ms Pelosi promised.   No, No, No.   No time to look back  at what lies ahead.  We’re busy digging more swamp room.  We’re in a hurry to dig ourselves deeper with a guy I regretably helped elect.  

Mr. Obama, Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Reid and cronies are way too busy behind closed doors ramming a bill down our American throats.   

Heck, we can all figure out the details, but not until after they simply “deem” the bill passed without a vote.  They want us to trust them and accept that “transparency” was just a campaign promise.

Americans want to help our neighbors.  Americans want to help those less fortunate.   Americans” want real Health Care “Reform”.  But Americans don’t want to eat what Washington is serving up. 

The scales have fallen off our eyes, and the gloves have come off. 

Now WE THE PEOPLE are the ones making a promise that won’t be broken.  We’re throwing the bums out.

We’re Americans, and they’re hearing us roar:  WE’RE BACK!    

We’re taking back our country.   YES WE CAN!

Awake In America 

 

Dear Awake:

Well said.  

I agree.  No one likes what’s being served up.

Since the health care vote (or deeming of it) is iminent, we would like to express our sincere gratitude to the Heritage Foundation for allowing us to include the following article on Health Care Reform written by  Mr. Brian Darling,  Director of Senate Relations at The Heritage Foundation.

Many Americans, including yours truly, wholeheartedly share in this opinion.

Roar loud and proud, America!   

Mrs. Figgins

 

The High Hurdle of Health Care Reform

Last year the House of Representatives and the Senate passed different versions of health care “reform.”  But both houses need to pass identical bills before a measure can become law. The easiest way to accomplish that would be for the House to simply pass the Senate bill as is.

But for fans of ObamaCare, there’s a problem. Many House members oppose crucial elements in the Senate bill, including federal funding for abortion.

One group, in fact, has come to be known as the “Stupak dozen.” Named for Rep. Bart Stupak, (D-Mich.), these lawmakers have said they will change their vote to no if federal funding for abortion is in the final bill.

Administration and Democratic leaders are asking members to, in effect, “just pass it; we will ask the Senate later to fix the parts you object to.” Except that this latter part is unlikely ever to happen. If ObamaCare becomes the law of the land, there would be no incentive for senators to pass something they dislike.

That’s why all the talk of “reconciliation” is meaningless. It’s unlikely this arcane legislative maneuver that allows for circumventing the traditional rules of the Senate would ever be used.

Equally meaningless are President Obama’s campaign-style events in traditional swing states. Obama has lost the battle for public opinion, and ginning up votes in one or two states won’t help him at this point.

So let’s review some of the most controversial components within the House and Senate versions.

• The treatment of taxpayer-funded abortions.The House bill contains the Stupak-Pitts amendment, which would build a genuine firewall between federal funding and abortion coverage. The Senate bill, however, specifically allows federal taxpayer funding for abortion.
  The fact is that a House vote for the Senate bill would enshrine the Senate abortion language in federal law, while any revisions would require 60 votes in the Senate and a majority in the House. This appears unlikely given reports that the White House and Congressional Democrats will move forward with or without the support of the pro-life members of their caucus. 

• Government-run health care no matter what. The bills also differ in whether or not to offer a “public option” to “compete” with private insurers. The Senate bill eliminated provisions to establish an explicit public plan. Instead, it would set up multi-state private health plans sponsored by the U.S. Office of Personnel Management to compete against private health plans in the state-based exchanges the Senate bill mandates.
  The House bill, meanwhile, includes an explicit government-run health plan. And House liberals have already compromised, watering down the public plan they wanted in order to get a bill passed. So those liberals would need to really back down to agree to the Senate bill.

• Employer mandates that kill jobs. Another problem, shared by both the House and Senate bills, is the mandate that employers provide insurance coverage.
  The Senate bill would fine any company that employs 50 or more $750 per worker unless the company provides “federally qualified coverage.” If a worker uses federal subsidies to buy coverage through the health insurance exchange the federal government plans to set up, the employer would pay an annual penalty of $3,000 for each worker who obtains a subsidy.
  Talk about a job-killer. Small companies would have a reason to stay small, and employers would have little incentive to hire new workers. The House version, meanwhile, goes right to taxation. It would force employers to offer federally qualified health-care coverage to their employees and pay a specified percentage for single and family premiums or pay a payroll tax of up to 8 percent.

• Tax penalties for the non-insured. Both bills would also require individuals to either buy federally approved health insurance or pay a tax penalty. The Senate bill would impose its penalties starting in 2014, and the annual penalty would be at least $750 in the years ahead.
  Beginning in 2013, the House bill would require individuals to pay 2.5 percent of their income if they don’t obtain federally “acceptable” health care coverage. Those with health insurance that doesn’t meet the federal standards would still pay the tax penalty. Individual citizens would be punished in either case.

The best way to figure out a trick is to keep your eye on the magician, and ignore the distractions. Poll after poll shows that a growing majority opposes ObamaCare. It’s going to take more than a talented illusionist to pull off this legislative sleight of hand.

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com      Advice On Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice

Whose appointment?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My husband Abe and I are having a difference of opinion.

 When I take him to the doctor he only wants me to listen and not ask any questions about me.

Abe says if I have any ailments, then make my own appointment.  He says I stress him out.  I think he’s being very unreasonable.

I drive him to the appointment, and we’re already there for goodness sake.

What’s the wrong with my taking a couple of minutes to ask my questions?

Ruth, Boca Raton

 

Dear Ruth:

If it’s Abe’s appointment, the doctor’s office has blocked time specifically for him.

If you jump in with questions about yourself, it takes the focus off of your husband, the reason he’s there in the first place, and questions he may have. And, that’s why he may feel “stressed out”.

As you know, most doctors’ offices are busy and predictably run late.

If you have questions when you take him, ask the doctor if he has additional time for your questions.

My advice: make your own appointment. This way the doctor is all yours.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com      Advice On Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice

Manners Matter!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 I took my kids to the movies last weekend and the kids behaved better than the grownups!

 Cell phones when off, Blackberry lights flickered, and conversations were going on everywhere.

Just because it was a kids movie doesn’t mean that manners didn’t matter. 

Please weigh in on this.  

Manners Matter, Westlake

 

Dear Manners Matter:  

You’re absolutely correct, “manners matter”.  Parents teach by example and lay the foundation for proper behavior.  

In the cinema or theater, cell phones, pagers, blackberries, and mouths should be shut down once the lights go down.   

This is correct and respectful.  

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com       Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs Figgins

Advice

Keeping it safe.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:
 
We’re concerned grandparents.  Our two grandkids are now playing hockey.   These kids can really get hurt.
 
How do we handle this without overstepping boundaries with our son and his wife daughter in law?
 
Nan and I are losing sleep over this.
 
Doug and Nan, Ontario

 

Dear Doug and Nan: 

Ice hockey is an exciting action packed sport.  And unfortunately it can also be dangerous. 

There is certainly nothing wrong with talking about your concerns with your son and daughter-in-law.  After all you have built in grandparent privileges!

If the parents have given their permission for the kids to play hockey then you’ll have to accept that decision.  

However there are smart constructive check list items which you can discuss with everyone to ensure that the game is safer and more fun for the kids as well as the entire family. 

• First and foremost:  USE SAFETY SENSE 

• The kids should be encouraged and required to play safe by setting a good example on and off the ice.

• Use full face shield & protective gear.

• Coaches & officials should be certified.

• Make sure the hockey program is well rounded and includes strength, flexibility and endurance training, to help the body in the preparation for the increased physical demands 

• Since you are in Canada a good resource for you to check out is:  Hockey Canada Kids  http://www.hockeycanada.ca/multimedia/kids/

Congratulations on a terrific job on the Olympics.  Well done indeed!

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com      Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Children Issues, Etiquette

Innocence

 

We would  would like to express our appreciation to Parents for Megan’s Law and the Crime Victims Center and Executive Director, Laura A. Ahearn for the following article on residency restrictions for sexual predators.

We have no greater charge than to protect the children.

Mrs. Figgins

 

Drawing the Line on Residency Restriction

“Common sense dictates that convicted sex offenders should not reside directly across the street or in close proximity to schools, parks and playgrounds, but it is time to draw the line on Long Island.

Current residency restriction laws in Nassau and Suffolk County were enacted in direct response to multiple incidences where convicted sex offenders took up residence in locations with an unobstructed view of schoolchildren playing at recess and at public playgrounds.

Long Island’s first residency restriction law was enacted when a Level 3 sex offender convicted of Rape in the first degree, who completed parole, took up residence directly across the street from North Coleman Elementary School in Centereach.

Sex offender residency restriction laws will not eliminate sexual victimization. They do however reduce the potential for offender escalation and their ability to observe and pattern children.

Daily exposure and access to a vulnerable victim pool facilitates the potential for sex offender fantasy to become a heinous reality. In fact, sexual interest in children and access to victims are factors associated with recidivism (Hanson & Harris 1998, 2001; Hanson & Morton-Burgon 2004).

Additionally, it is well established that sex offenders have many more victims (and variety of victims) than those for which they have been arrested (Abel et al., 1987; Abel, Becker, Cunningham-Rathner, Mittleman, & Rouleou, 1988; Ahlmeyer et al., 2000; Heil, Ahlmeyer, & Simons, 2003) and may therefore pose risks not readily apparent by relying on their documented offense history (Heil, Ahlmeyer & Simmons 2003) – research suggests that up to 50% of rapists have committed undetected sex crimes against child victims (Ahlmeyer, Heil, McKee & English, 2000).

Individualized sex offender management based on risk assessment is playing Russian roulette with our children’s safety as we will never have all the data necessary to predict human behavior and make informed decisions.

Reasonable residency restriction laws are the best alternative and when enacted, after performing due diligence, as were the existing Nassau and Suffolk County laws, offer the additional benefit of reducing the potential for community unrest and vigilantism by providing statutory guidance clarifying what the rules are for residents and for registrants.

Attempting to expand existing stringent and effective residency restriction laws is a popular platform during election season and may appear on the surface to be a good idea, but in fact, may be counterproductive to enhancing sexual abuse prevention.

Expansion initiatives lull a community into having a false sense of security and can never take the place of parents who take the time to learn how to protect themselves and their children through prevention education.

Nine out of ten children who are sexually abused know and have an established relationship with their abuser. We as a society cannot consciously disregard the one in ten who do not.

Enacting ill conceived politically correct in the moment laws may lead to a constitutional challenge, bringing invited attention to the lawmaker but seriously compromising existing laws. More importantly, it will lead to a greater number of homeless and non-compliant sex offenders – exacerbating their tracking, monitoring and supervision – ultimately placing our children at greater risk for victimization.

Parents for Megan’s Law and the Crime Victims Center does not support recent residency restriction expansion proposals introduced by the Town of Brookhaven.

An enhancement of existing laws that we do support, but is not included in the Town’s proposal, is victim specific and will protect victims from the continuing traumatization which would result from their attacker moving in close proximity to where they live or work – a measure passed in both the Nassau and Suffolk County Legislatures.

The Town can make a real impact by re-directing community focus and providing any number of Parents for Megan’s Law’s (PFML) child or adult sexual abuse prevention education programs to residents on a monthly basis, and initiating community mailings that inform residents how to access the sex offender registry and how to register for PFML email alerts to be informed of registered offenders.

Although attempts by the Town of Brookhaven to protect our most vulnerable are laudable, they must also provide resources to monitor and enforce their existing, and one of the State’s strongest, residency restriction and anti-clustering laws.

The 2008 Town’s passage of the State’s first anti-clustering law gave hope to communities such as Gordon Heights where over 20 sex offenders resided on one block – the law prevents more than two sex offenders from residing in a single family dwelling.

A recent PFML review of the number of registrants on that same block, a year later and accounting for those grandfathered, indicates that there are currently a number of offenders in violation of that law – we need the Town to dedicate more resources to effectively enforce the laws that already exist, not more laws.

A recent report by the Town of Babylon Quality of Life Task Force Report on the tracking of Sex Offenders in the Town of Babylon raises more questions than it provides answers.

A careful reading of the report reveals the following: The Town reports findings from “four separate investigations that occurred over the course of the program” yet only documents the notification to and response from the Suffolk County Police Special Victims Unit from their most recent September 24, 2009 “investigation”.

The Suffolk County Police were notified of 17 sex offenders who were not allegedly residing at their registered locations. As of October 13, 2009 there were 6 sex offenders who were not accounted for in the Town of Babylon. Approximately 90% of the registered sex offenders in the Town of Babylon are accounted for.

Within the Police District the Suffolk County Police report that 95-97% of the registered sex offenders are accounted for. The question as to why compliance in the Town of Babylon is lower is not addressed.

The report also infers that residency restriction laws may be producing the unintended consequence of forcing Suffolk County registered sex offenders underground.

This assertion is not supported by fact. Suffolk County has one of the strongest residency restriction laws in the nation and an award winning sex offender management program.

Nationwide, in a study conducted and published by Parents for Megan’s Law, it was found that approximately 24% of registered sex offenders were out of compliance with the reporting requirements of Megan’s Law.

In Suffolk County that number is less than 5%, almost 5 times better than the national average. Even accepting the numbers provided by the Town of Babylon, their compliance rate is over 2 times better than the national average.

It is not residency restriction that motivates a sex offender to violate the law, it is their perception that law enforcement is not dedicated to insuring compliance. In Suffolk County that is clearly not the case.

Research and experience indicate that victim and community safety is best achieved when those supervising sex offenders work collaboratively with law enforcement, therapeutic providers, community organizations and the public.

Proposals and passage of more restrictive laws while ignoring the need to provide resources for collaborative enforcement of existing laws serves only to strain already limited resources and renders those laws ineffective.

Further, valuable time spent responding to community members misled by misinformation can instead be used to educate the public about existing resources they can utilize to keep themselves and their children safe from sexual predators.

The Town of Babylon recommended more standardized and stronger notification laws, noting that the frequency and quality of notification varies widely from community to community.

The report fails to document that Parents for Megan’s Law already provides a standardized community level sex offender email alert program which is funded by the U.S. Justice Department and is based right here in Suffolk County.

The collaboration between Parents for Megan’s Law and all police departments in Suffolk and Nassau Counties takes the discretion to notify out of the hands of school districts and only gives them the discretion to participate in the email alert program by simply informing their residents of its existence.

Residents themselves can sign-up for the program and do not need to go through their school districts.

Most school districts in Suffolk and an increasing number of districts in Nassau participate in the email alert program by sending residents a copy of our email alert registration form, putting information in the school calendars and bulletins and linking us on their website.

Knowledge and access to the PFML sex offender email alert program requires that local governments have knowledge of its existence and collaborate with PFML and school districts to educate the community and encourage participation.

There are over 600,000 registered sex offenders in our nation and keeping track of them requires strong collaborations between law enforcement, the community and organizations such as Parents for Megan’s Law.

Police utilize information technology resources and in-person verifications and sweeps to check addresses and call upon the US Marshals to hunt down non-compliant registrants crossing state lines.

Because Megan’s Law is an unfunded mandate, these initiatives require ongoing funding.

Megan’s Law provides the public a unique opportunity to be the eyes and ears for law enforcement by reporting registrants that may be in violation of local, state and federal laws.

Through the Parents for Megan’s Law Sex Offender Registration Tips (SORT) Program the public can anonymously report registrants who may be in violation of registration, employment and residency restriction laws or who may be violating conditions of probation or parole.

SORT reports are researched and forwarded to the appropriate law enforcement agency for follow-up action. This collaboration has led to multiple arrests for non-compliance and increased accuracy of registry information.

The over arching problem is that sex offender registration is done on an honor system. If we were serious about ensuring sex offender compliance with registration, residency and employment restriction laws then funding should be provided to supervise sex offenders for the same term they are required to register – and that supervision can be tailored to the individual registrant.

State-wide life-time supervision for sex offender laws would prevent local governments from proposing and passing laws in response to real-life situations we are all confronted with on local levels – twenty-six states across the nation have some form of life-time supervision for registered sex offenders

Preventing our most vulnerable from sexual victimization requires that we take a comprehensive approach which includes stricter sentencing, civil confinement, strong registration and notification laws, realistic residency and employment restriction laws, individualized life-time supervision plans which include treatment and the use of GPS and computer monitoring software, resources for enforcement of sex offender management laws, resources and support for victims and sexual abuse prevention education for children and adults – laws alone cannot protect them.”

Laura A. Ahearn, L.M.S.W.
Executive Director
Parents for Megan’s Law and the Crime Victims Center (PFML/CVC)

 

www.askdrromance.com       Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Children Issues, Topics

Innocence

 

We would like to express our appreciation to  Office of the Attorney General for the following Questions & Answers.  

We must each be pro-active and vigilant for we have no greater charge than protecting the children.

Mrs. Figgins

 

 

Questions & Answers:

I do not want to talk to my children about sexual abuse, because I do not want to frighten them. Is this really the right thing to do?

It is helpful for parents to keep in mind that:

You, as a parent or adult, may be more uncomfortable or frightened by this than your children are;

The Attorney General and the website www.meganslaw.ca.gov  provides safety information to our children in a number of other areas. (You can draw a parallel between teaching kids to “”drop and roll”" if clothes catch on fire [which is a pretty scary thought] or teaching kids to cross the street by looking both ways so they are not run over [which is also a pretty scary thought].)

I am concerned that I really cannot tell who is and who is not a sex offender.

You are exactly right. There is no such thing as a typical sex offender. That is why it is important for you to understand common sense strategies for protecting yourself and your children that you should always follow.

To protect yourself from offenders, follow general safety guidelines, such as maintaining an awareness of your surroundings and trusting your instincts about people and situations. To protect your children, maintain open lines of communication with them—listen to your children; being available and taking time to really know your children builds feelings of safety and security.

How will I know if I can believe allegations about sexual assault–do people make false accusations?

The majority of victims tend to minimize sexual assault, or out of self-blame, fear, or shame do not disclose the abuse. This is particularly true of child victims. Research indicates that sexual assault is no more falsely reported than any other crime. The best approach is to believe the victim, listen to his or her allegations, offer your support, and support the victim in getting the help that he or she needs.

I am very concerned about protecting my child from this type of crime. In fact, I think if my child were a victim, I do not know how I could possibly handle it.

Perhaps the best thing to remember if you know or suspect that your child has been victimized is that they need, you–more than ever–to be a calm, nurturing, and protective parent. The child has endured one of the most profound violations of her or his person. It will probably be extremely difficult for your child to disclose this to you, or to deal with the emotion of knowing that you are aware of what has happened to them. It will be even more difficult for your child if they observe you losing control of your own feelings or behavior. In order to help your child, and prevent further trauma to her or him, you have to be strong for her or him. Seek help for your child. Seek help for yourself in the form of specialized counseling to help you handle your reactions.

How can children ever recover from such an experience?

Children are amazingly resilient. Research suggests that children who are supported when they disclose or when the victimization comes to light heal more quickly than those who are not believed. A supportive family response and professional intervention can also help to heal child victims and their families.

I have heard that sometimes children willingly participate in sexually abusive activities, and that they are partially to blame.

Because of their age and the age difference between children and their perpetrators, children are unable to legally consent to sexual activity. They are never to blame for their own abuse–although they are often made to feel like willing participants because of the careful, manipulative behavior of their abusers. This further contributes to their shame and guilt. If you have the occasion to be involved with a child who has been sexually abused–either your own child or another–one of the most healing responses is to reassure the child that they bear absolutely no responsibility for what an adult has done to them or made them do, even if they have been tricked into believing that the adult cares for them and what they were doing was “”okay.”"

With everything that parents hear about the dangers of abuse, how can you possibly avoid being overprotective with your children?

We all have to remember as parents that overprotectiveness and excessive fear can make our children feel helpless, whether about sexual assault or any of the other dangers that life holds. Information, common sense, and keeping lines of communication open with your children are much more productive than succumbing to irrational fear.

How will I know if my child is a victim? The thought that my child might actually be a victim and I might not know it is very worrisome to me.

The reality is that some instances of child sexual abuse never do come to light. However, the better informed you are about what to look for, the better the chance that you can know and be able to help your child. Trust your instincts; you know your child best. Any change in behavior that concerns you is worth evaluating.

Is the court process terribly traumatic for child victims? Might it be worse than the abuse itself? 

If child victims are believed and supported, the court process can actually be a helpful experience for a child. Remember, part of the trauma of sexual assault is the loss of control over one’s own body. The court process can give power back to the child. If the child feels empowered by the court process, the outcome can be positive. In California, special provisions are made for children victims. In addition, child advocacy centers, where child victims can be interviewed in a child-friendly atmosphere by a skilled and trained victim-witness personnel, can be very reassuring to the child and his or her family.

If my child were a victim of sexual abuse, would talking about it with my child afterwards make it worse?

Making the child talk when he or she is not ready and implying blame can make it worse. Encouraging your child to talk, but not demanding or forcing information from her or him, is helpful.

If I suspect someone in my family of sexually abusing my child or another child in my family or neighborhood, what should I do? Should I confront them?

Your best approach is to contact the authorities and let them investigate. If you suspect the abuse because of something your child or another child has disclosed to you, your most important role is to believe and support the child.

What do I do, or whom do I tell, if I am sexually assaulted or my child is sexually abused?

Ultimately, the choice of reporting the sexual assault is a choice that a victim or a victim’s parent must make. Perhaps the best course of action is to call a rape crisis center to explore your options and what the implications might be for you.

If I am sexually assaulted I do not think that I could ever recover.

Although the pain of sexual assault is profound, victims do heal. The healing process will be smoother if you seek assistance from someone, a therapist or a victim advocate, who has experience talking to sexual assault victims. Tell someone you trust what has happened; do not struggle with it alone.

I do not know how to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted.

Listening to your friend without judging his or her choices is the best thing you can do. Reinforce the message that your friend is not to blame for what happened. Be sensitive to new fears and behaviors associated with the assault (such as avoiding crowds or feeling unsafe in previously comfortable locations). Most importantly, give your friend time to heal and let him or her know you are there to listen whenever needed.

Is sexual offending on the increase or is there just more reporting?

We do not really know. Because most sexual offenses go unreported, it is difficult to tell. There is speculation among many in the field that the implementation of new laws related to the registration and community notification of convicted sex offenders may cause an even higher rate of underreporting (remember, most victims know their assailants and many may not want to subject them to public scrutiny). However, according to the National Crime Victimization Survey, victimization is increasing. In 1996, there were 307,100 victimizations of rape and sexual assault, and in 1999, there were 383,170 victimizations (an increase of 12.5%).

 

 

www.askdrromance.com     Advice on Relationships & Everday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Children Issues, How To, Opinion & Politics, Topics

Innocence

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

We’re new parents  blessed with beautiful twin girls.  We are scared to death of what is happening in this world, and no doubt around the globe.  Children are at risk with sexual monsters.

 It wasn’t like this when we were kids, Mrs. Figgins.  My husband and my parents didn’t lock the doors at night.

As a mother I am paralyzed with fear about what to look for, where to send the girls to school, who to trust them with.  The questions that swirl around my head are never ending.  I am aging with fear.

Where do we start?  How can we protect our children from these monsters?   How do parents sleep at night?

What can we do?

Tara and Jonathan, Los Angeles

 

Dear Tara and Jonathan

The world has changed.  It continues to change in the blink of an eye.  And yet, for the sake of the kids well being – balance & normalcy is critical. 

Perhaps it is the fast changing pace of how news travels, our work or even how we manage and manipulate our waking hours.  Whatever the reason – this is where we are today.  We’re on the edge.  We let life happen.

That is – until the day it happens to us. 

Laws protect every predator in an effort to save just one innocent person.  Is the trade off worth it?  Does any reason or excuse matter to a parent whose child has been emotionally, physically or sexually abuse?  NO.

Nothing replaces a child.  No reason or excuse matters.  NOT A ONE.  NEVER.

We have no greater charge than protecting EVERY child.  This responsibility belongs to each and every one of us  – no matter if that ”that child” is ours biologically - or one whom we have never met.

We pray for each and every child, for each and every parent  - the victims of unimaginable, monstrous crimes.

May GOD bless you, and protect you.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com        Free Relationship Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Children Issues, How To, Opinion & Politics, Topics

In it together!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband underwent a radical prostatectomy.  He’s been depressed thinking he won’t be the same man because of problems with his erections. 

Actually, he’s too embarrassed to talk with anyone about the fact that there’s no ejaculation.

We have always had a wonderful loving relationship.  I keep telling him he’s the love of my life and nothing will or could ever change that. 

Brooke, Seattle

 

Dear Brooke:

Even if the doctor went over the details of the surgery, effects and recovery –  it still may have been overwhelming to your husband at the time.   No doubt your husband’s doctor will be happy to go over the details once more. 

Your husband has gone thru a traumatic procedure and recovery will take time, and so will the ability to have an erection.    

According to the University of Pittsburg Cancer Institute, after a radical prostatectomy, most men will not be able to get a spontaneous erection for 3 – 12 months.   Men experience “dry orgasms” in which there is no ejaculation, therefore, medication may be needed to enable an erection.     

“The reason is that the two structures responsible for most of the fluid in semen – the prostate and the seminal vesicles – have been removed.  The vas deferens, the tube which transports sperm from the testicles, has been shut off.  This lack of fluid emission h as no connection to and does not interfere with a man’s ability to feel sexual desire and arousal, or achieve orgasm.” 

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com   

Advice & opinion on relationships & everyday issues by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Topics