Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Ronald Reagan

 

Most never met Ronald Reagan.     Millions may have no concrete memory of him. 

It wasn’t necessary to have met him – to inevitably love him. 

His greatness cannot be explained in countless columns.     It will take years to begin to grasp his contributions to America and the world, as history unfolds.  

Ronald Reagan loved the United States of America…and America loved Ronald Reagan.  His  optimism was infectious.  He lifted our spirits, just like the foam atop the waves in the sea.   He made us believe, just like Jimmy Stewart in “It’s A Wonderful Life”.  

Ronald Reagan was great.  He never gave up, and he never gave up on America.  Importantly, he never apologized for her.  He never doubted the American spirit and resolve.  He believed in the American people’s desire to do the moral and decent thing.       

Mr. Reagan was one of the people.   He rejected Washington elitism.  He created the greatest economic expansion in American history – arguably, since World War II.     

Against the odds and all learned economic opinion, Ronald Reagan lowered inflation during the midst of one of the most unbridled economies and growth period in history.     

In her memoir “The Downing Street Years,” Margaret Thatcher recalled her first meeting with Ronald Reagan in 1975, when she was leader of the Opposition and he was governor of California.  She was won over by Reagan’s “warmth, charm and complete lack of affectation — qualities which never altered in the years of leadership which lay ahead.”  

Above all, I knew that I was talking to someone who instinctively felt and thought as I did,” she added.

“To have achieved so much against so many odds and with such humor and humanity made Ronald Reagan a truly great American hero,” Thatcher added.   

The United States of America is a great country with great people, founded as one nation under GOD.      

May GOD Bless the United States of America and her people.

Below are a few memorable quotes from Mr. Reagan.

“Here’s my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.” – Ronald Reagan 

 ”There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.” – Ronald Reagan

“Some people wonder all their lives if they’ve made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem.” Ronald Reagan

“There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits to the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder.”  – Ronald Reagan

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
Ronald Reagan   

 ”The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.” – Ronald Reagan  

 ”Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.” – Ronald Reagan

 ”I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.” – Ronald Reagan

 ”The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.”  Ronald Reagan  

 ”Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.” – Ronald Reagan  

 ”The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.”   – Ronald Reagan
   

 ”It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.” – Ronald Reagan

 ”Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it.. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.” – Ronald Reagan   

 ”Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.” – Ronald Reagan   

 ”No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.” -   Ronald Reagan

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.” -   Ronald Reagan

Advice, Love, Opinion & Politics, Topics

Just a ball of trouble rolling along!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My fiancé and I are to be married next year.  His family is lovely but they are driving me  crazy! 

His mother is constantly giving me “tips” on how children should be raised, or how to do this or that for him.  His sister calls every week expecting us do things together.  His brother and father like playing pub games so the old bloke takes the boys out once a week!   

I feel like I’m going to marry the whole blooming family!   

This is NOT what I bargained for!

 

Dear No Bargain:

Perhaps your fiancé is also getting something different than he’s  bargained for. 

By your own admission they are lovely people, and he is close to his family.  So…you are going to marry the family. 

Unless you’re planning on being what you sound like  (a bloody pain) for many years to come, and making this poor chap miserable all along the way, you better rethink this union.   Get a new attitude – or get out NOW -  before you marry .

He is not going to give up his family.   

I suggest you talk with your fiancé about your feelings.   Work something out where he feels he’s marrying a reasonable girl and not a whinny ball of trouble that’s just going to get bigger as it rolls thru time.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Relationships

We have no greater charge than to protect the children.

 

Child Sexual Abuse Signs & Early Prevention

The majority of child sexual abuse occurs at the hands of a family member or friend.    Abuse by strangers is far less common.

To protect all children it’s important to learn the facts.  It is estimated that at least two out of every ten girls and one out of every ten boys are sexually abused by the end of their 13th year.

Family members have the most power of anybody to save the children.   Each and every time you tell your family members and friends about the facts regarding child molestation, and what we can do to stop it you are helping to protect and possibly save a child.

Learning how to spot possible signs and risks gives you the chance to ask questions, to get help and the critical opportunity to prevent harm a child.

There are obvious as well as subtle signs that a child is at risk of  being sexually abused.  

While no one sign indicates that a child or adolescent has been sexually abused, the presence of several signs suggests that you should be concerned and must seek help.  

It is important to note that some of these signs may present themselves during particularly stressful times, such as death of a loved one, or divorce – and may not be related to sexual abuse.  

• Seems  likely to provoke a discussion about sexual issues

• Draws, dreams, plays or writes of sexual or frightening images

• Exhibits new or unusual fear of certain people or places

• Nightmares or sleep problems.

• Distant or distracted.

• Sudden change in eating habits.  Loss of appetite or conversely, a huge spike in appetite.  Swallowing problems.

• Withdrawal, sudden mood swings (rage, fear, insecurity or withdrawal)

• Refuses to talk about a secret shared with an adult or older child

• Talks about a new “older” friend

• Suddenly has money, toys or other gifts

• Refers to self or body as dirty, repulsive, or bad

• Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, language and knowledge.

Younger Children

• Encourages or asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games

• Acts out adult-like sexual behaviors with toys.

• Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

• Older child behaving like a younger child (such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking)

• Has new words for private body parts

• Refuses or resists removing clothes when appropriate (during bath, bed, toileting, diapering)

Adolescents

• Threatening to or running away from home

• Depression, anxiety, suicide attempts

• Fear of closeness or intimacy

• Eating or dieting disorder

• Self inflicted injuries (cutting, burning)

• Refusing to bath, brush teeth  or other personal hygiene

• Drug and alcohol abuse

• Sexual promiscuity

Physical Signs

Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare.   However, if you see any signs that are suspicious, take your child to a doctor immediately.   Your doctor can help you understand what may be happening.

• Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges in genitals, anus or mouth

• Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

• Persistent or recurring pain during urination and bowel movements

 By understanding what puts a child at risk of sexual abuse, you can take steps and action counter those risks.

Educate

• Each family member should know what healthy sexual development in children is, and what sexual behaviors might be of concern.

• Discuss how to recognize warning signs that a child may have been sexually abused or that an adult, adolescent or child may be touching a child in a sexual way.  Some abusive behaviors may not involve touching; for example showing pornography to a child is abusive, even if the child is not touched.

• Teach children the proper names for body parts and what to do if someone tries to touch them in a sexual way.

• Make sure young children know that no one has the right to touch their private parts (unless for medical reasons) and that they should not touch anyone else’s private parts.

Communicate

• Discuss what healthy sexual behavior is and what abusive sexual behavior is.

• Revisit conversations with all family members—children, teenagers and adults— about appropriate and inappropriate sexualized behaviors to ensure that everyone “gets it”.

• Let everyone know that it is OK to ask questions or concerns at any time.

Set Clear Boundaries

• SET BOUNDARIES of what is appropriate behavior and what behavior is NOT ACCEPTED!

• Discuss these boundaries with each family member and with any other adults who spends time around or supervise the children. 

• Listen to the children.  REALLY LISTEN & OBSERVE. If a child is uncomfortable around a particular adult do not make them!  If a child does not want to hug or kiss someone hello or goodbye, then let them know it is OK to shake hands instead.  A child should never be made to sit on a strangers lap or show affection towards anyone they are not comfortable with.

• As a child matures, boundaries will need to change.  Parents should lead by example: ie: knocking on door before entering the room of an adolescent, unless in an emergency.

Get “Safe” Adults Involved

• A child or adolescent needs a safe responsible and consistent adult they can talk with and turn to.  Research shows that a child that has someone they can confide in plays a key role in how well a child will bounce back from stressful events.  This is critical. 

• Even a close friend or relative may not be a safe person to trust with your child.

• If someone seems “too good to be true,” maybe they are.  Ask questions.   

• If you are concerned about the inappropriate or sexualized behaviors of a family member talk with that person and let them person know you care enough to assist them in getting help.  Do not allow that person to be alone with your child.    

• Bring any suspicious behavior to the attention of other family member.     

• Identify one or more in the family that you can reach out for support.   Do not stay isolated.

Do not think the problem will go away by itself.  It won’t.  Talk to family members and make them aware of the situation            

Make a list of resources you can call for advice.   Learn about the agencies in your area.

Know who to contact to make a report if you know or suspect that a child has been sexually abused.  

 We have no greater charge in life than to protect children.

Advice, Children Issues, How To, One Village, Relationships, Topics

      Respect yourself and              others will respect you, too.

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I really like this guy in school.   We’re both 17.  He and I dated but I broke if off when I thought I wanted to date another guy, so I was stupid.

I really want to start dating him again but he doesn’t want to.  Even though he’s not seeing anyone else, he says  just wants to be friends with me.

I’ll never let him go if I get him back.  How do I do this and have him respect me?

 

Dear Wanting Respect:

In life you can’t expect anyone to respect you, until you first have respect for yourself.  

He obviously doesn’t want to risk taking another chance on you.   This ship has left.

Starting from this day forward don’t worry about “forever”, it will come soon enough.   Think about today and the days in front of you.

Think about the kind of woman you want to become.  Think about the kind of example you want to set someday for your children.  Children learn by example.

Take time to decide what you want out of life.  Even if your course changes along the way, your principles and core values should remain steady in the face of any storm.

Begin by making your education top priority.   Work on being light and fun, it really will become a habit.  Men love and respect smart women, and they really like women they laugh with.  They don’t like clingy and desperate.

You’ll see that if you focus on the things I have just mentioned, you will have all the possibilities in the world for  a wonderful life.

Mrs. Figgins   

Advice, Love, Relationships

An abso-bloody-lutely fine name after all!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a gay man and have been with my  lover for almost 17 years.   He is a wonderful man. 

We are very close to my parents but not particularly close to his.  He calls my Mother “Mum” but his Mother has always insisted that I call her “Mrs. Thompson”.   

She is quite proper and has always been polite and accommodating when we visit.

The kicker is that her daughter in law calls her by her first name “Emily”.

I have been cheesed off about this for years, but haven’t wanted to hurt my lovers feelings.  When I finally brought up the subject recently, he thought I was being foolish. 

Should I say something to Mrs. Thompson or just belt up? 

 

Dear Belt Up:

Mrs. Thompson seems off-putting.  Your lover may be a mensch but sounds a little  blinkered.

Since you’re not particularly close, I suggest you belt up, and let it go. 

After 15 years of calling her Mrs. Thompson, some things are best left alone.   

This is one of them.

Remember this if nothing else:    If this is your only concern with your mother in law,  think of how lucky you are compared to others.  

When you look at it that way, Mrs. Thompson sounds like an abso-bloody-lutely fine name after all.  

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Relationships

Don’t bank on this ROI

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My boyfriend, whom I’ve been dating for 11 months.

We’re both 32 years old.  I have had a steady job since I was first out of college and have saved a good amount of money for my retirement. 

We’ve talked about marriage someday but nothing has been set yet.

He’s asked me to invest in his new venture.  I really don’t want to but if we’re going to have a future together I think it will show trust.

Looking for an emotional return on investment.

 

Dear Emotional:

Emotions and investments make for a down market in more ways than one.   

Your future hopes are at big risk on this one – and so is your money. 

He can’t commit on marriage and you want to commit your retirement dollars on him? 

Don’t bank on this ROI.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Relationships, Retirement

 

Don’t be stupid!  THINK!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

Can a person fall in love at first sight?

 I just met a great guy this past week and it was like instant between us.    He is 32, and I am 20.

He said he knew the minute I walked in that he was going to marry me.   The only problem is he lives in another state. 

Yesterday before he left he asked me to move with him next month.  I know it may be too soon for some people but I’m considering it!

My parents have been away on vacation so I haven’t had a chance to tell them yet.   

How do I tell them that we fell in love at first sight?  I want their support.

Am I stupid?

 

Dear Stupid:

YES.

Stupid is a stupid does – and you’re in for a world of trouble if you don’t get your wits about you.

You may be instant “in like” but love is nowhere in sight at this point.  

Love takes time, and one week doesn’t give you enough time to figure out what kind of socks to buy him at Christmas.

You don’t know this guy.    You’ve never met his family or know his friends.   You don’t know the first thing about his past other than what he may have told you over a starry eyed milk shake. 

Any guy that would ask you to move in and hasn’t even met your parents is not the one. 

Only time will tell you if “like” will turn into love, and stupid can turn into smart.   It’s time to think about choices and consequences.

Mrs. Figgins

 

 

Advice, Love, Relationships

We have no greater charge than protecting the children.

 

 Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a mother of 2.  I was sexually molested when I was 11 years old by my brother who was 13.   It continued until I was 13.    While there was no outright rape, it was fondling.  That fondling wasn’t just a moment that could be misinterpreted or taken as a child’s cruel dream.

We are grown and each have our own small children.  Since our first year in college my brother and I have lived in separate states.  He and his family are moving close by and want to start doing things together as a family.  

My mind tells me that he was just a kid himself when this happened and I should forgive and forget.   My gut tells me that allowing a relationship with him again is a very bad idea. 

Trying to do the right thing.

 

Dear Trying:

There is only one right thing:   PROTECT THE CHILDREN. 

Under no circumstances ever leave any or all of your kids with your brother, at his house or anywhere he might be, where your kids can be out of your direct eyesight. 

Decline any personal invitations from him for any reason. Forever.

If you must attend a family gathering such as a wedding, make certain the kids are never out of your reach. 

You are correct.  There is no misinterpreting what happened to you.   It wasn’t a mere bad dream, it was a cruel reality at the hands of your brother, and he should not be trusted alone with any child.   

Showing compassion to evil does not make us better people and certainly doesn’t serve us well in protecting the innocent.

As a child you were powerless to protect yourself, but as a parent you and your husband have the power and the responsibility.   There is no greater charge than protecting your children.   

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Children Issues, Love, One Village, Topics