Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Question: Where is it?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My sister’s husband died a couple of years ago in Iraq.  She’s been raising their three kids ( 2 boys, 1 girl) and doing an incredible job.

It’s been a huge struggle financially for her but her faith keeps her buoyed, and she is truly a wonderful human being.

A couple of “financial advisor” friends held a fundraiser for the 3 kids college fund.   The proceeds were to be put in trust.

Thanks to many wonderful folks the event was a success. 

That was the last any of us heard of what has happened to the money.

My sister doesn’t need any more worries,  but friends and family don’t want to let this go on indefinitely without addressing the matter.

What can we do?

Margaret

 

Dear Margaret:

All of you have the right to know what is happening with the money that was raised.

If this money has been used for anything other than it’s intended purpose, it may be considered fraud or embezzlement.

It’s imperative that you get an accurate accounting.

My advice is that you get a referral to a good lawyer.

Mrs.  Figgins

 

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Is it stealing?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My 4 years old son and was caught stealing for the 3rd time.  He says he was “borrowing”.  

We live in a small town and know most of the merchants.   In every case the owners have been very kind and have tried to make my husband and me feel better.   

We have been very grateful for their kindness. 

I admit it concerns us, not just for our family but for other parents. 

These things should not be taken lightly.  I know because my brother was a cute little boy who everybody gave a pass to throughout the years.   Today he’s in prison.

Please print this letter.  I hope this is a shout across the bows to parents.

Concerned Parent

 

Dear Concerned:

Here is your letter.    

Not surpising, with examples like your brother, your  mind may go to “today it may be a toy, but tomorrow it may be much more serious”.

However, children under the age of five do not generally have a handle on the concept of ownership, and there is  a fine line as to their ability to fully comprehend that an item belongs to someone else and should not be taken. 

Parents should be very aware of patterns as children get older.  A child may steal out of a “need” or the need for attention.

If this pattern continues, early help is important.

Don’t let your worries get the best of you at this point.   

Mrs. Figgins

  

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Silence is golden.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins

My son’s girlfriend invited us for dinner to meet her parents.

Upon meeting, the husband said “we’ve heard so much about you”.   When I pressed him about what he meant, he was rendered speechless.

 It has bothered me non-stop and I’ve let it be known that I’m not happy about it. 

Don’t you think that was horribly rude?

Potentially unhappy in-law

 

Dear Potentially:

I think in this case “speechless” was  “smart”.    

Oh, the neglected virtue of silence!

 Mrs. Figgins

 

 

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Keeping them healthy & safe.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I was shocked to hear on the television today that children can also have strokes.

Is this true?

What are the signs?

Millie, in the Windy City

 

Dear Millie:

Unfortunately, it is true – children can have strokes.

We extend our Thanks to St. John Hospital in Illinois for the following valuable information regarding strokes in children.

Mrs. Figgins

 

Signs and Symptoms of Childhood Stroke:

• Severe headache- this is often the first complaint

• Nausea and/or vomiting/ warm, flushed, clammy skin

• Slow, full pulse – may have distended neck veins

• Speech difficulties- absent, slurred or inappropriate speech

• Eye movement problems – partial or complete blindness, blurred vision, unequal pupils

• Numbness – paralysis, weakness, or loss of coordination of limbs, usually on one side of the body; loss of balance

• Facial droop or salivary drool • Urinary incontinence

• Seizures

• Brief loss of consciousness; unconscious ‘snoring’ respirations

• May show signs of rapid recovery (TIA)

If your child shows any of these symptoms, Call 911 – get to the emergency room.  Every second counts! Time lost is brain lost!  

• The incidence of stroke in children is relatively low; about six cases in every 100,000 children per year and at least one-third of those cases are in newborns.

• Strokes are slightly more common in children under the age of two.

• Overweight children are at high risk for becoming overweight adults, as well as developing diabetes, having premature heart disease or stroke.

• Over 9 million children between the ages 6-19
  are overweight.

• Approximately 2,000 children under the age of 18 start smoking everyday.

• Only 30% of males and 26% of females in grades 9-12 attend physical education classes on a daily basis. Lack of physical activity can also contribute to becoming overweight and developing high blood pressure or diabetes.

• On average, it takes 12-24 hours for adults to get to the hospital after the first signs of stroke –  that time increases to 48-72 hours for children!

• Stroke is one of the top ten causes of death in children at an alarming rate of 12%. 

What can you do to help to help control your child’s risk factors for stroke?

You can’t control certain risk factors for heart disease and stroke such as age, sex, race and family medical history but there are other risk factors you can control, treat or prevent:

• Smoking and exposure to tobacco smoke.- Smoking is a hard habit to break, that’s why it’s important that your children never start. The earlier people start smoking, the greater the risk to their future health. Set a good example for your children by not smoking. If you do smoke, don’t smoke around your children. Get help to quit smoking. Your risk of heart disease and stroke decrease as soon as you stop smoking.

• Physical inactivity- Keeping your children active and fit will help them control their weight and blood cholesterol levels, and lower their risk for developing diabetes and obesity. If your child is overweight encourage daily activities, starting with 10 minutes per day and adding more each day. Limit the amount of time your child spends being inactive, such as watching television, playing on the computer, etc, to no more than one to two hours per day.

• Eating a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol- Read food labels and choose foods that heart healthy. For example, choose lower fat milk, eat more fruits and vegetables, and include more servings of whole-grains or other complex carbohydrates in your child’s diet.

• High Blood Pressure (hypertension)- High blood pressure causes the heart to work harder than normal and over time this can lead to heart failure or stroke. Children with high blood pressure often have no symptoms. They can look and feel great without even knowing they have hypertension. Make sure that your child’s blood pressure is measured yearly beginning at age 3 by a doctor, school nurse or local health clinic staff.

• Diabetes Mellitus- Diabetes mellitus is a disease in which the body doesn’t make or respond properly to the hormone insulin, which the body needs to convert sugar, starches and other foods into energy. Untreated diabetes can lead to many serious medical problems including heart and blood vessel disease. If your child has diabetes make sure that  he/she has regular medical check ups to control it; work with your child’s doctor to improve your child’s eating habits and ensure that he/she exercises regularly and maintains a healthy weight. 

 

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Money time – again!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My best friend borrowed $500 from me some time ago.  He never paid the money back as promised.   

Perhaps it was my fault for making it sound like the money was no big deal.  I never said anything about the promised payments because he was newly married and struggling.

He’s approached me again, this time for a significant amount.   The truth is I have the money and can afford to lend it to him. 

However, this time, I’m afraid to because I don’t want this issue to ruin our friendship.  On the other hand it may affect our friendship if I don’t loan him the money.

What advice can you give me at this point?

Marc, Victoria, Canada

 

Dear Marc:

A friendship should not depend on whether a friend’s loans money to another – even if one of them has the means to do so. 

This said, you first need to address the fact that your friend never paid you back. 

If you decide to loan money again, my advice is that you talk with a lawyer or CPA and have proper loan papers drawn up this time.  The amount he still owes you, the cost to draw the loan papers, and interest if applicable, should be added to the new loan amount, along with a payment schedule.

Your friend should be grateful for your help and gladly go along with this suggestion.  If he is offended by this, then rest assured – you were at risk of not being paid back “again”.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Remembering

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My family is of Irish decent.   My brother, sister and I lost our parents a few years ago.

I remember my grandmother reading the lyrics to an Irish song  about a bricklayer’s struggle. 

Have you any idea where I can find the words?

Mary, Providence

 

Dear Mary:

I don’t know for sure, but it is possible that your grandmother may have been reciting THE SICK NOTE, which is sung to the tune of “THE GARDEN WHERE THE PRATIES GROW”. 

Many wonderful artists have recorded and performed the song over the years.

Below is the original text of THE SICK NOTE.

I have greatly enjoyed it as well.

Mrs. Figgins

Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight
For at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly grey
And I write this note to say why Paddy’s not at work today.

Whilst working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
To throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn’t very pleased, the bloody awkward sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladders in my hod.

Now clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder, as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head
I clung on tightly, numb with shock, from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks, fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope, my body racked with pain
When half way down, I met the bloody barrel once again.

The force of this collision, half way up the office block
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock
Still clinging tightly to the rope I fell towards the ground
And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel scattered round.

I lay there groaning on the ground I thought I’d passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel, and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn’t got a hope
As I lay there bleeding on the ground, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel then being heavier then started down once more
And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
It broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you’ll understand why Paddy’s not at work today.

Alternative Titles:

WHY PADDY’S NOT AT WORK TODAY
THE BRICKLAYERS SONG
DEAR BOSS
PADDY AND THE BARRELL
MURPHY AND THE BRICKS

The above song under all alternative titles is the sole copyright of the original writer, PAT COOKSEY. The song was composed and first performed by Mr. Cooksey  in Coventry in 1969 and is registered with THE PERFORMING RIGHTS SOCIETY in London under it’s original title THE SICK NOTE and all the above alternative titles.

 

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Late again!

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I have a great marriage, but there is one thing that is making me grayer by the day.

My husband is chronically late for everything by 15 minutes. The few arguments we’ve ever had have all been because of this issue.

Do you have any advice that might help?

Fed Up in Scottsdale

 

Dear Fed Up:

Believe me, I don’t want to minimize your frustrations because they are real, and can snowball if not addressed in a reasonable manner.  But, oh, if you only knew how many would gladly trade their marriage problems for yours – so I urge you to keep things in perspective.

My advice is that you and your husband sit down and reach an agreement that you’ll set your clocks 15 minutes ahead of the actual time.  

You must treat this as the actual time, and make it a habit.  No cheating!

Just think, it will give you two a chance to enjoy a little extra time together, without stress, wherever you’re headed.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Kosher Required?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I’m falling in love with a Jewish man, who keeps Kosher.  Our family (which includes my cat Missy) is Catholic. 

Missy lives with me, and I love her very much.  She’s quite finicky and only eats certain foods.,

I’m embarrassed to ask anyone but you, Mrs. Figgins, but if my relationship gets serious, will Missy also have to keep Kosher?  After all these years, I don’t think she would go for it.

Ruth

 

Dear Ruth:

I believe that Missy is not required to keep Kosher, unless of course, she changes her mind.   If she does, it’s OK to ”go for it”.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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