Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Who’s there?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband and I have a little issue we need help with and PRONTO.

Our son is getting married. We’re paying for the wedding because our daughter in laws family is in bad financial straits.

The kids are very considerate and limited the wedding budget. Once the invitations went out, they started getting RSVP’S back with added guests.

The list has grown by another 50%. We’ve never even heard of many of the people coming!

Look, we’re not well off either.

We’re just regular people trying to keep it together. Is there anything we can do at this point to stop the flood?

Runaway Wedding, Quebec

 

Dear Runaway:

Shore up the dam and stop the flood. PRONTO!

Contact the folks that invited the uninvited and ask them to respectfully let them know that they read the invitations incorrectly. They will have to make the “corrections” ASAP.

You can choose to explain that it is a budget issue or simply state that the invitations didn’t mean “et al”.

If your guests decide to accommodate their guests, then they can pay for the extra guests upfront.

If you don’t handle this PRONTO, then, “c’est la vie”.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com             

Advice & opinion on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values by Mrs. Figgins    

Advice

Protecting & Defending

 

With the health care bill imminent, many readers have written to ask the question:  What is “reconciliation?”

We extend much gratitude to the Heritage Foundation for the following explanation.

I implore each citizen to get involved.  Each individual makes a difference. 

There is power in numbers!

Mrs. Figgins

 

Reconciliation 101: A “Nuclear” Abuse of Power

Published on September 18, 2009

Why Reconciliation Exists

• What Is Reconciliation? Reconciliation is an optional step of the annual budget process which allows legislation to be approved by 51 votes in the U.S. Senate, rather than the traditional 60 votes necessary to withstand a filibuster. This may also mean 50 votes plus Vice President Biden as the 51st.This process is a shortcut — limiting debate, including floor debate, to only 20 hours.

• The Purpose? Reconciliation was created to streamline Senate rules to make it easier for lawmakers to achieve the spending and tax levels in the budget resolution. Period. It was not created to circumvent the Senate’s traditional role as the “world’s greatest deliberative body” and its 60 vote requirement in order to ram through what may be the most significant domestic legislation in our history — legislation whose impact goes well beyond the budget.

• The Byrd Rule: To protect the sanctity of the Senate, Robert Byrd (D-WV) enacted a rule to limit the inclusion of non-germane issues. The Byrd Rule prohibits reconciliation from including measures that do not change outlays or revenues, or matters that would increase the deficit for fiscal years beyond those covered by the legislation under debate.

• 60 Votes: The Senate intentionally has a 60 vote threshold to move important policy issues so that they receive the full attention and deliberation of the Senate. Centuries of tradition dictate that is where “we pour legislation into the senatorial saucer to cool it.”

• Precedent:The Senate has used reconciliation in the past on strictly budget or fiscal matters, including the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts, which as revenue altering bills met the standards set by the Congressional Budget Act.

The Consequences of Reconciliation: Stopping the Debate

• Bipartisan Prejudice: 59 Senators currently caucus with the majority. If reconciliation were to be used to pass health care legislation, it would disenfranchise senators and those they represent on a crippling bipartisan basis.

• Future Precedent: By using reconciliation, and bypassing Senate rules, to pass a piece of policy legislation that overhauls one-sixth of our economy, the Senate would be initiating a precedent for future partisan majorities to eliminate thoughtful debate and pass reckless and partisan legislation “by any means necessary.” Reconciliation bills are limited to 20 hours of debate and are difficult to amend.

• Who Is Alan Frumin? The reconciliation process leaves incredible policy issues at the hands of the Senate Parliamentarian, Alan Frumin. The non-elected Mr. Frumin would be responsible for deciding what could and could not be included in the final health care bill, making him the first of many faceless bureaucrats in Washington who could make important decisions that affect your health care.

• Checks and Balances: Our Founders designed the Senate as the “balanced wheel” to offset the passions presumed to dominate the House of Representatives. This course of action would turn the Senate into a replica of the House, jettisoning the super-majority requirement and thereby losing a constitutionally vital check and balance.

A Better Approach to Health Care Reform

• Start Over: Instead of passing a <2,000+ page> bill that subverts the democratic process, and cannot even garner the support of the entire liberal majority, Congress should start over. They should create simple legislation that (1) lays the groundwork for states to be the leaders in health care innovation; (2) provides economic relief to working American families, giving them real private choice and nationwide competition that allows them to carry their desired health insurance from job to job and home to home; and (3) does not put Uncle Sam in the middle of the doctor-patient relationship.

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com             

Advice & opinion on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values by Mrs. Figgins    

Advice, Opinion & Politics

Just STOP.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am in 9th grade.  My best friend always wants me to help her with homework.  I don’t mind helping but lately she’s wanted me to do reports for her because she’s been sneaking off with her boyfriend.

 I’m not comfortable because I’ve had to lie to my parents about what I’m doing.  If I don’t help her she’s might fail.

 Can you please help?  What do you think I should do?

 Lindsey,  PA 

 

 Dear Lindsey:

Don’t lie to your parents.  Don’t continue lying for your friend or doing her homework.

A true friend wouldn’t ever expect you to do either. 

Have a talk with your friend and let her know that you’re not going to continue doing any of the above.  

You’ll feel better about yourself, because you’ll be doing the right thing.  

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com             

Advice on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values dispensed by Mrs. Figgins    

Advice

Protect the children, and you.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I have been in a physically abusive relationship.   Everything was going real good in our marriage until  I had the kids.  Something changed  and he started to become jealous.  It started with a push and an apology.  Then it got worse.  He slapped, chocked and kicked.  Something as minor as his coffee not being hot enough he’d go off and I’d get it.  He never beat the kids but that fear ran through  my body every single day.  I have nightmares at what they saw their father do to their mother.

On my way to the grocery store, I did something I never would have imagined.   I walked in and enlisted in the military.  If I didn’t think enough of myself,  I needed to protect my kids.  I need to get my life straight and get an education so I can give my kids one.

My parents are taking care of the kids while I’m In training.

I have filed for divorce.  My husband and I have only talked when it has to do with the children.  He keeps saying how much he misses his family.  He wants us to get back together again.  

Do you think for the kids sake I should give him another chance?

Healing in Oceanside

 

Dear Healing:

What would you be going back for?  Perhaps a broken jaw, a visit to intensive care or a one way ride to the mortuary? 

Continue your new path for your sake and importantly, the sake of your children. 

Children learn behavior by example.  And what they saw their father do to you was horrific.  They need to heal as much as you do.

It took strength and courage for you to walk in to that recruiter’s office and enlist.  You had it in you, and you did the right thing.

Don’t ever look back.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com             

Advice on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values dispensed by Mrs. Figgins    

Advice

Which Way?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do.

I’ve been married for 30 years.  We have 3 wonderful children and grandkids on the way.

Outwardly we are the family.  The truth is that over the years my husband has had many mistresses. 

Some of his relationships have lasted for several years.  He’s involved in one now.  I know, because his mistress came to my work.  She says they’re in love.

I confronted my husband and he says the fact that he comes home every day shows he loves me.  He doesn’t want a divorce.  Furthermore, he refuses to talk about it anymore. 

We’re financially stable and maybe that’s why he doesn’t want a divorce.

He’s the only man I’ve ever been with.  I don’t know what to do.  I want a different life but I am afraid of the unknown. 

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Not knowing which way to go in Tallahassee

 

Dear Not Knowing:

You need to find your self respect, to find your backbone or grown one. 

Your husband is not going to change, and you are faced with a fork in the road:   Stay and put up, or leave.

I would choose the latter.

It will save you many more years of deceit and pain.

Talk with a lawyer.  Take back your life. 

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com             

Advice on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values dispensed by Mrs. Figgins    

Advice

OUR Country

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am sending you this letter on behalf of many Americans.    

What happened to capitalism and free enterprise?  What happened to allowing failure as well as success? 

Wasn’t  the $700  billion  in TARP money supposed to have saved the global economy?   Wasn’t it at least suppose to save America’s financial system, and buy the toxic assets and enable lending institutions to start “loaning” money? 

The money hasn’t been used for its original intent —– and 1/2 the money hasn’t even been spent.   Where did the money that has been spent go???   Oh silly us – of course – we the people bought  2 automobile companies.  Remember Chrysler & General Motors?  Oy, what a deal! 

If the economy is on the upswing – why spend the balance?  That’s right –  that tidy little stash is being spent on bribes and re-election campaigns, like the Louisiana Purchase, Corn-husker Deal and the sweetheart deals with the unions?

There’s no time to clean out the “swamp”, like Ms Pelosi promised.   No, No, No.   No time to look back  at what lies ahead.  We’re busy digging more swamp room.  We’re in a hurry to dig ourselves deeper with a guy I regretably helped elect.  

Mr. Obama, Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Reid and cronies are way too busy behind closed doors ramming a bill down our American throats.   

Heck, we can all figure out the details, but not until after they simply “deem” the bill passed without a vote.  They want us to trust them and accept that “transparency” was just a campaign promise.

Americans want to help our neighbors.  Americans want to help those less fortunate.   Americans” want real Health Care “Reform”.  But Americans don’t want to eat what Washington is serving up. 

The scales have fallen off our eyes, and the gloves have come off. 

Now WE THE PEOPLE are the ones making a promise that won’t be broken.  We’re throwing the bums out.

We’re Americans, and they’re hearing us roar:  WE’RE BACK!    

We’re taking back our country.   YES WE CAN!

Awake In America 

 

Dear Awake:

Well said.  

I agree.  No one likes what’s being served up.

Since the health care vote (or deeming of it) is iminent, we would like to express our sincere gratitude to the Heritage Foundation for allowing us to include the following article on Health Care Reform written by  Mr. Brian Darling,  Director of Senate Relations at The Heritage Foundation.

Many Americans, including yours truly, wholeheartedly share in this opinion.

Roar loud and proud, America!   

Mrs. Figgins

 

The High Hurdle of Health Care Reform

Last year the House of Representatives and the Senate passed different versions of health care “reform.”  But both houses need to pass identical bills before a measure can become law. The easiest way to accomplish that would be for the House to simply pass the Senate bill as is.

But for fans of ObamaCare, there’s a problem. Many House members oppose crucial elements in the Senate bill, including federal funding for abortion.

One group, in fact, has come to be known as the “Stupak dozen.” Named for Rep. Bart Stupak, (D-Mich.), these lawmakers have said they will change their vote to no if federal funding for abortion is in the final bill.

Administration and Democratic leaders are asking members to, in effect, “just pass it; we will ask the Senate later to fix the parts you object to.” Except that this latter part is unlikely ever to happen. If ObamaCare becomes the law of the land, there would be no incentive for senators to pass something they dislike.

That’s why all the talk of “reconciliation” is meaningless. It’s unlikely this arcane legislative maneuver that allows for circumventing the traditional rules of the Senate would ever be used.

Equally meaningless are President Obama’s campaign-style events in traditional swing states. Obama has lost the battle for public opinion, and ginning up votes in one or two states won’t help him at this point.

So let’s review some of the most controversial components within the House and Senate versions.

• The treatment of taxpayer-funded abortions.The House bill contains the Stupak-Pitts amendment, which would build a genuine firewall between federal funding and abortion coverage. The Senate bill, however, specifically allows federal taxpayer funding for abortion.
  The fact is that a House vote for the Senate bill would enshrine the Senate abortion language in federal law, while any revisions would require 60 votes in the Senate and a majority in the House. This appears unlikely given reports that the White House and Congressional Democrats will move forward with or without the support of the pro-life members of their caucus. 

• Government-run health care no matter what. The bills also differ in whether or not to offer a “public option” to “compete” with private insurers. The Senate bill eliminated provisions to establish an explicit public plan. Instead, it would set up multi-state private health plans sponsored by the U.S. Office of Personnel Management to compete against private health plans in the state-based exchanges the Senate bill mandates.
  The House bill, meanwhile, includes an explicit government-run health plan. And House liberals have already compromised, watering down the public plan they wanted in order to get a bill passed. So those liberals would need to really back down to agree to the Senate bill.

• Employer mandates that kill jobs. Another problem, shared by both the House and Senate bills, is the mandate that employers provide insurance coverage.
  The Senate bill would fine any company that employs 50 or more $750 per worker unless the company provides “federally qualified coverage.” If a worker uses federal subsidies to buy coverage through the health insurance exchange the federal government plans to set up, the employer would pay an annual penalty of $3,000 for each worker who obtains a subsidy.
  Talk about a job-killer. Small companies would have a reason to stay small, and employers would have little incentive to hire new workers. The House version, meanwhile, goes right to taxation. It would force employers to offer federally qualified health-care coverage to their employees and pay a specified percentage for single and family premiums or pay a payroll tax of up to 8 percent.

• Tax penalties for the non-insured. Both bills would also require individuals to either buy federally approved health insurance or pay a tax penalty. The Senate bill would impose its penalties starting in 2014, and the annual penalty would be at least $750 in the years ahead.
  Beginning in 2013, the House bill would require individuals to pay 2.5 percent of their income if they don’t obtain federally “acceptable” health care coverage. Those with health insurance that doesn’t meet the federal standards would still pay the tax penalty. Individual citizens would be punished in either case.

The best way to figure out a trick is to keep your eye on the magician, and ignore the distractions. Poll after poll shows that a growing majority opposes ObamaCare. It’s going to take more than a talented illusionist to pull off this legislative sleight of hand.

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com      Advice On Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice

Whose appointment?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My husband Abe and I are having a difference of opinion.

 When I take him to the doctor he only wants me to listen and not ask any questions about me.

Abe says if I have any ailments, then make my own appointment.  He says I stress him out.  I think he’s being very unreasonable.

I drive him to the appointment, and we’re already there for goodness sake.

What’s the wrong with my taking a couple of minutes to ask my questions?

Ruth, Boca Raton

 

Dear Ruth:

If it’s Abe’s appointment, the doctor’s office has blocked time specifically for him.

If you jump in with questions about yourself, it takes the focus off of your husband, the reason he’s there in the first place, and questions he may have. And, that’s why he may feel “stressed out”.

As you know, most doctors’ offices are busy and predictably run late.

If you have questions when you take him, ask the doctor if he has additional time for your questions.

My advice: make your own appointment. This way the doctor is all yours.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com      Advice On Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice

Manners Matter!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 I took my kids to the movies last weekend and the kids behaved better than the grownups!

 Cell phones when off, Blackberry lights flickered, and conversations were going on everywhere.

Just because it was a kids movie doesn’t mean that manners didn’t matter. 

Please weigh in on this.  

Manners Matter, Westlake

 

Dear Manners Matter:  

You’re absolutely correct, “manners matter”.  Parents teach by example and lay the foundation for proper behavior.  

In the cinema or theater, cell phones, pagers, blackberries, and mouths should be shut down once the lights go down.   

This is correct and respectful.  

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com       Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs Figgins

Advice