Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Having Fun!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My mother and I don’t see eye to eye on me having a girlfriend.    My father sits and lets my mother make the  decision.

She’s afraid I’m going to end up making a girl pregnant, I would have to talk with the police or something.  I’m almost 16 years old. 

My family is  Mormon’s.  My wish is to have a girlfriend I can have clean fun.  Dance, go to the beaches but not have sex.

 I don’t think that to have a girlfriend at my age is to soon. 

Do you think my thinking is croked?  

Guiherme, Brazil

 

Dear Guiherme:

There is nothing “crooked” or wrong about your request.  You sound like a healthy young man with normal desires.

You’re parents are protective because if you make bad decisions your life could become “much more complicated than a conversation with the police or something”.  A single irresponsible act can alter your carefree young life forever. 

As a mormon your faith encourages you to remain sexually pure, and by your letter, it seems like you respect this tenet.

Talk with your parents  and ask what rules they would want you to abide by which would give them a level of comfort and allow you to have a girlfriend.    This is the correct approach. 

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com              

Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Keeping communication open.

Dear Mrs. Figgins:
 
I love my  fiancé alot, and I’m quite afraid to write this letter.

He has a bed wetting problem and he’s is so embarrassed he refuses to really talk about it or see a doctor.  
 
He’s very loving and I feel so bad for him.  I know he’s angry about his problem, and don’t want to do or say anything to ruin our relationship and yet I want to help him beacause I love him.
 
Can you please give me some help please?
 
Jordan, Milwaukee

 

Dear Jordan:
 
Although this has to be difficult for your  fiancé,  incontinence is treatable and often curable at all ages.

Indeed, urinary incontinence affects older men more often than younger men, but the onset of incontinence can happen at any age. 

In men, incontinence occurs because of problems with muscles that help to hold or release urine.

 He is not alone – and neither are you.

Encourage him to talk with his doctor.  As with anything, the sooner you tackle the situation, the better.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com            Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics

Makes A True Relationship.

 

Dear Mrs Figgins,

I dont know if this works like this, that if i can email you to ask advice or if i am supposed to do it on your page.

I’ve been battling with this for quite some time and i dont know who to turn to.

You see, i have been in a relationship with this guy for more than a year now.  Like every relationship we’ve had our ups and downs.  But this is something we cannot overcome ever, unless he will make an effort, but he wont.

You see, he cheated on me with another girl who i have felt very suspicious about. I confronted him about it and he said that they are just friends.

Then i found out.  He “left” her and now we are back together again.  Everything should be fine, except that i dont trust him and that he is still friends with this girl.

I asked him to stop his friendship with her and he refused saying that he could not (and that he didn’t know why).

She cheated on him with his friend and now she is currently dating the friend.  He said that after their studies they will only talk SOMETIMES by text messages, emails, online etc, that “its not like everyday or something, like you and me”.

I have talked to him about this so many time and every time he become angry saying that its my fault; its because i cannot trust him.  And because apparently i make him feel as if i was better than him that i do “diplomatic” talk on him… I dont know what that even means or what that has to do with this!!  Thus, turning the conversation around.

Trust doesn’t have anything to do with this. Its the pain i feel, the huge pain that is eating me alive. Ive tried to give him examples where i ask him to imagine to be me. And he still wont get it.

He said that he chose me, and that she and him are just friends… Friends who he tells about his problems to… because she understand… because they used to be good friends before their intimate relationship….

I dont want to leave him because i love him and because i want a life with him

But i dont know how to overcome this… Should i accept this… or not?

Please help me

Best wishes,

Nora, Europe

 

Dear Nora:

Without trust there can be no relationship, and you have neither with this guy.

Do you really want to make a life with a man that has lied and cheated?   Do you think he’ll never do this again?  You can bet he will. 

Cheaters usually have the uncanny ability to turn things around and make it feel like it’s someone elses fault. 

Yes, if he cared about your feelings, he should have done anything and everything humanly possible to make you feel secure and build trust again – when he had the chance.  But he didn’t.   This situation is making you lose your way.  It is tearing down your self esteem and it will surely only bring you more pain.

 LEAVE HIM.  You owe him not a thing.  This is not the man you want to build a life around or someday have children with.

I always ask this question:  “what would you say to your daughter if she were in your situation?”.  If not for yourself now, do it for the example you will want to be someday.

The respect that you give yourself is the respect others will give you.

NO you should not accept this now or ever. 

Your inner voice is guiding you.  Take back your life and your dignity.  You are worth so much more. 

Stand up and stand tall, Nora.   You can do it.

My best wishes to you, too.

Mrs. Figgins 

 

www.askdrromance.com            Free Advice On Everyday Relationships

Just Keep Going

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I need help.    I started dating a guy and everything was going amazing, he told me I was perfect for him and everything.

We had stopped talking because of people getting involved.  

Then we started talking and dating again. We had sex and stopped talking.

We started talking again after that and had sex again and stopped talking again.

He got into a relationship so my friends told me that I should get over him, but my instincts were telling me not to.

I saw him at a party, and the whole night he stared at me and talked about me to his friends.

That very next weekend, I saw him again. After I had seen him the second time, he broke up with his girlfriend. I tried writing him a message, but he didnt respond.

I think its cause he wanted me to talk to him in person.

I cant get over him and I need help.

Lisa

 

Dear Lisa:

Lisa, your instincts can’t be trusted.

This was about sex, and nothing else.

He is not worth it. 

You may not value yourself, but someday you may have kids- and their wellbeing will be infinitely more important than an “amazing” moment of sex.  Ask yourself, Is this the horrific seesaw that you want for them?   I hope not.

DUMP THIS GUY AND DON’T LOOK BACK – EVER AGAIN.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com     Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics

Keeping it sweet.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am stationed in Germany, and in a long term relationship with the most wonderful girl next to my Mother. 

We’ve had our ups and downs.  The ups are incredible.   The downs scare me because they are usually my doing.  I’m too proud, too arrogant, too right, too cool, too busy, too detached, and too completely stupid.  These are my words not hers.

I’m behave so STUPID sometimes, I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.

This is the girl I want to marry, and spend my life with, and grow a family with.

 I don’t want to lose her, but I know I could. 

What can I do to stop myself from screwing things up?

Jack, Berlin

 

Dear Jack:

The world may change, but the fundamental things in life will always apply.

Relationships take work.  Equally as important relationships take commitment, desire, loyalty  and a large dose of selflessness.  

Crying a mia culpa over and over won’t work in the long run.  If you want to have a life with this girl, you best get yourself together and make some long term changes in your behavior. 

Here’s what my beloved grandparents lived by. 

“Sometimes we just need to simply stand back and ask:  ‘Is what we’re arguing about so important?   Is my being right so important?   If the answer is an unequivocal “yes”, then stand up for what you believe is right.  If  the answer is “no”, then drop it like a hot potato, and move on.

• DO NOT BLAME. 

• DO NOT CRITIZISE.

• Show  LOVE, AFFECTION, and COMPLIMENT  your spouse every day. 

• Make it about “WE” not “me”. 

Sounds simple?  It really is.   Life doesn’t have to be complicated.

As long as you both have integrity, loyalty and commitment, you won’t go wrong.

Try it the old fashioned way, Jack.  It works.

Mrs. Figgins

 

askdrromance.com              Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics

Post Hotel & Spa

 

Post Hotel & Spa

Nestled in a beautiful valley in Banff national park, the Post Hotel offers a stunning panorama of the Canadian Rockies

This is a mountain lodge at its finest where the comfy and romantic interiors make way for spacious suites in pale wood, always stocked with a good supply of logs to warm up your evenings.

Just a few kilometres from famous Lake Louise with its magnificent palette of emerald greens, the hotel’s little log cabins with their red roofs overlook the Pipestone River.

If your muscles are complaining after a few long ski runs ice skating on the lake or snowshoeing to spot the nearby elk- deer or moose- a visit to the Hotels Temple Mountain Spa will surely soothe.

For the more adventurous- helicopter skiing is not far away. Enjoy the award-winning menu based on fresh produce and local game.

 

A Mrs. Figgins Favorite!

Simply Wonderful!

 

www.askdrromance.com        Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics

Still

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I need your advice, pronto!

I’m 25.   I met a great guy my first year in college.  We became friends.  Three years  ago something special happened, we fell for each other.  We started dating and had the best year of my life.  We fell in love.

We had a silly misunderstanding and broke up.  I think about him every day and night.  I’m walking around like a zombie these days. 

Over the last four months we’ve emailed every day “as friends” but I know I love him and that he still loves me. 

His sister says he’s not been with a steady girl since we broke up, and talks about me non-stop.

How can I let him know without losing my self-respect? 

Sleepless in Topeka

 

Dear Sleepless:

Get some sleep so you can think straight.   

Next time you write, sign your note by saying “Much Love”. 

He should get the message – your self-respect will be intact – and the next move will be his to make.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com     Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics

 

Chateau Lake Louise

 

Chateau Lake Louise

The journey to this treasured Chateau is a scenic drive featuring unparalleled vistas of soaring mountains, roaring rivers and abundant wildlife; just two hours from Calgary via the Trans Canada highway. 

Mrs. Figgins favorite Fairmont Gold Floor offers personalized service and unique attention to detail of a boutique hotel offering among finest guest rooms and suites in the Rocky Mountains.

From casual walks around the lake, to hiking and mountaineering the tallest peaks and the deepest canyons you can enjoy n exhilarating excursions – or simply choose to explore in Mother Nature’s playground on your own

Summertime activities enjoyed in the wilderness of the National Park offers hiking, canoeing, horseback riding, fishing, mountain biking and rafting. 

Wintertime presents a dramatic wonderland of unique recreation including world-class skiing heli-skiing, snowshoeing, dog sledding, cross country skiing, ice skating and horse drawn sleigh rides.  

And after an invigorating day in the captivating wilderness, pamper yourself at the spa.

From family getaways to romantic escapes, the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise is the ideal destination. 

 

A Mrs. Figgins Favorite! 

 

Simply Wonderful!

 

www.askdrromance.com           Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics