Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Good bet?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 I’m about to retire – and want to start a little side business.   Wife’s against it because we would need to dip into our retirement, and if the plan fails it would be real hard.  

Went to the small business bureau, and I think they’re another government front.

Went to the bank because I  thought the government wanted banks to lend to kick the economy back into action.   Doesn’t  seem promising and that leaves going into retirment money..

I’m having some problems getting the wife to go along with this plan but I feel that if I don’t go after my dreams now, when will I ever get the chance.

Bill in  Texarkana

 

Dear Bill:

A wife is the person who tells you to slow down – when you’re moving too fast. 

 The bank is the place that loans you money -  when you can prove you don’t need it  – or even want it!  

These are times of uncertainty, Bill.   Unless you can aford to gamble and possibly lose, slow down and don’t gamble the farm.   

My advice:  Bet on your wife’s intuition.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com         

Free Advice On Relationships & Everday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Retirement

REFORM?

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband and I are completely baffled by all this health care talk.

A friend of ours from Europe came to the United States just for their surgery. So how bad can the good old USA be?

We’re happy with our insurance, and we care about what happens to those who are less fortunate but we’re sick and tired of the cronyism and abuse of power that we’re seeing. Who can be trusted?

Based on your travels, can you shed some light on this mess?

Millie & Herb, Almost Seniors in Nevada

 

Dear Millie & Herb:

WE’RE ALL SICK OF IT!  

 It doesn’t matter the color of our skin or party affiliation.  We’re all sick of the fast talking politicians.

The good old USA has the best health care system in the world – and I’ve yet to meet one capitalist that doesn’t agree with the words of Ronald Reagan:

“ the preservation and enhancement of the values that strengthen and protect individual freedom, family life, communities and neighborhoods and the liberty of our beloved nation should be at the heart of any legislative or political program presented to the American people.”

My advice:  TRUST in GOD, first.  And trust in the VOTE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

What we need is far reaching health care reform – not a shot in the dark redo of 1/6 the American economy by a government that hasn’t been faintly successful in running the Post Office, Medicare and Rail System.

Encourage and reward competition and market forces to bear, and ensure access to affordable and portable health care coverage for every American. Put patients and their doctors in charge, not the government. Tackle tort reform, and rampant fraud.   And YES, we can help those who cannot afford to buy their own health care.

Millie & Herb, I personally know socialism and I know communism.  It’s a very black hole.  The good people of America need to sleep with both eyes open at this time and heed the ominous signs.

Regarding your question on Health Care, the Heritage Foundation has put it best. Our sincere appreciation for the following:

Putting citizens, not government, in charge of health care:

“America’s doctors and medical institutions are the envy of the world. The level of expertise and the pace of innovation in U.S. health care are unmatched.

Yet many Americans worry whether they will have access to medical care when they need it.  The reason is that America’s health insurance system does not function very well.

Too many Americans lack health insurance, there are gaps in coverage, and costs are increasing at an alarming rate.  Health insurance is usually not portable from job to job, and consumers have very little choice about what their insurance covers.

Unfortunately, the left has seized on the problem to push its own solutions, all of which involve more government control.  With the implied promise of something for nothing, and few alternative solutions offered, they are gaining traction.

The nationalization of our health care would be a disaster for Americans of every age and income group. The innovation, high quality and advanced treatment techniques which characterize our current system would be degraded, and if the experience of other countries is any guide, rationing of care, especially at the end of life, would become the norm.

The conservative alternative to socialized medicine is to enact serious reforms in current tax and insurance law that would expand personal ownership and control of health insurance and transfer the control of health care dollars to individuals and families.

These reforms would move today’s bureaucracy-driven, heavily regulated third-party payment system to a new patient-centered system of consumer choice and real free-market competition.”

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com          Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday 

Advice, Retirement, Topics

 

When should be enough…isn’t.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband Jake and I have been married for 24 years.  We raised three children, all grown up now.

I am an employee, and work a full work week.   Jake is an independent contractor so his schedule is much more flexible than mine. 

Throughout the years, Jake has always taken fishing trips with his guy friends two or three times a year.  The last four years he has taken extended trips with friends or by himself that have nothing to do with fishing. 

Last year he informed me had a sexually transmitted disease.   For my sake he had to tell me,  but refused to discuss the details of how he got it! 

I put 2 and 2 together and was stunned and brokenhearted for the obvious reasons. 

This February Jake is leaving on another vacation.  Again, he doesn’t want to discuss it, other than to say over and over that the fact that he comes back home “should be enough”.

I don’t want to break up our marriage, 99.9% because of my children. Anyway, it may well be too late to start my life over, but I am broken inside and I don’t want to be in the same house with him.  It’s no longer enough.

I need help.

Marge, Boise

 

Dear Marge:

Well, you get an A+ for math and your sense of smell seems to be pretty good too, because  something sure is fishy.   

A marriage is a partnership based on love, respect and trust.   The respect and trust may be irreparably broken.      

If you have any doubts about staying with Jake – seek marriage counseling. 

If  “should be enough” just isn’t any  longer – then it’s time for you to take a trip of your own – right on out the door. 

 Your kids are grown up now.   They should understand and be very supportive once you explain the situation.    

Abraham Lincoln said:   “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.  It’s the life in your years”.

It’s never too late, Marge.   Life does count, at any age. 

Mrs. Figgins 

Advice, Children Issues, Love, Retirement

That’s so funny!!!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

With all the problems nowadays, I thought your readers would enjoy some good laughs.

Jack, New Haven

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
      - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
      
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
      - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
      
I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
      - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward       

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
      - Mariah Carey, pop singer      

I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
      - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

 The police are not here to create disorder. They’re here to preserve disorder.”
      - Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party convention
      
 China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
      - Former French President Charles de Gaulle
      
 I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
      - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
      
  The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.
      - Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole
      
 Things are more like they are now than they ever were before
      - Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
      
 Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas
      - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
      
 We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
      - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana…. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.
      - Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today show, August 22
      
It’s like an Alcatraz around my neck.
      - Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces
      
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
      - Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

They’re multi-purpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
      - Pratt and Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers
      
It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
      - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
      
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
      - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
      
It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
      - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
      
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.
      - Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
      
Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
      - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
      
The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
      - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on “Larry King Live”
      
After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
      - Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
      
That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.
      - A congressional candidate in Texas
      
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
      - General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam

 

Dear Jack:

I’m still laughing as I write this response.

Thanks for sharing!

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Favorite Finds, Love, More Finds, Relationships, Retirement

Dreams of Grandeur

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I’m beyond stupified.  My husband Massimo and I have never believed in debt.  The kids are grown up and we’ve finally been able to save up for a new small car we can pay cash for.

Last week he told me that he has seen a doctor and wants a penis implant.  It’s going to be a few thousand dollars!   There goes our new car! 

I don’t want to sound stupid but why on earth would any man want to plant something in his penis when it’s not necessary!     

I hate to spoil his fantasy but what if it doesn’t work?  He’s just not thinking straight!  

After all, I think it’s been working just fine up to now.  

Isn’t my opinion important, too?  

Gerardina, Toms River 

 

Dear Gerardina:

I guess Massimo doesn’t’ want to settle for a compact when he can get a stretch hummer.    

Yes, your opinion is important and it sounds like this is important to him, too. 

You should both sit down and discuss all the pro’s and con’s, as there are potential  penile implant surgery risks, which include: infection, tissue erosion around the device, migration of the device, pain and malfunction.

Let your husband know that as far as you’re concerned all his parts are in perfect working order and in no need of repair.  

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Retirement

Cupid Strikes!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I’ve been a widow for seven years.  My husband was an alcoholic.  We had three children.

All my life, I’ve put everyone else first.  I’ve been wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, godmother, school teacher and friend. 

Two years ago through friends I met a lovely man.  I’ll call him Frank.  We’re both in our 70’s and have fallen head over heels for each other.  We feel young again! 

My children have their own family and very active life.  Yet for some reason, everyone is up in arms.  It’s embarrassing.  Franks kids have been lovely.  Mine have been obstreperous. 

Even though I have no money (Frank does), my kids actually think I’m being taken for a ride.  If’ that’s true it’s a wonderful one.  He’s kind, romantic and generous.

For the years I have left which  good Lord blesses me with, I want to really live!

Do you think I’m being selfish?

Mrs. Gingsberg  

 

Dear Mrs. Ginsberg:

There’s a Yiddish saying:   “Old age, to the unlearned, is winter;  to the learned, it’s harvest time.”

Enjoy the harvest and the ride, Mrs. Gingsberg. 

Mrs. Figgins    

Advice, Love, Relationships, Retirement

Stress Measure

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

Last year I lost my beloved husband.  

Several girls in my bridge group are widows and they seem to keep real busy traveling and enjoying their lives. 

I haven’t been able to get on with my life since Danny passed. 

Trying to find my bearings, I’ve been reading quite a bit about loss.   I came across a very interesting article about stressful situations, and wanted to share it with you and your readers.

It’s called the “Social Readjustment Rating Scale”.    Good and bad events in a person’s life increases stress levels and can increase the risk of illness and mental health problems.

To maintain health and regain stability it is critical to adapt to changes.

In the list below, there is a “value” or number right next to the event.  Take the value of the event that has taken place in your life in the last12 months.  If a particular event has happened to you more than once within the last 12 months, multiply the value (the number mentioned above) by the number of times this event has occurred.

Add the values to obtain the total score.

For example, in the last 12 months if you have experienced the death of a spouse (100), plus a change in financial state (38) your total would be 138.

The higher your score, the more effort and diligence the person needs.

Low if your score is Below 149

Mild if your score is Between 150-200

Moderate if your score is Between 200-299

High if your score is Above 300 

1. Death of a spouse 100

2. Divorce 73

3. Marital Separation 65

4. Jail term 63

5. Death of a close family member 63

6. Personal injury or illness 53

7. Marriage 50

8. Fired at work 47

9. Marital reconciliation 45

10. Retirement 45

11. Change in health of family member 44

12. Pregnancy 40

13. Sex difficulties 39

14. Gain of a new family member 39

15. Business readjustments 39

16. Change in financial state 38

17. Death of a close friend 37

18. Change to different line of work 36

19. Change in no. of arguments with spouse 35

20. Mortgage over $ 50,000 31

21. Foreclosure of mortgage 30

22. Change in responsibilities at work 29

23. Son or daughter leaving home 29

24. Trouble with in-laws 29

25. Outstanding Personal achievements 28

26. Spouse begins or stops work 26

27. Begin or end school 26

28. Change in living conditions 25

29. Revision of personal habits 24

30. Trouble with boss 23

31. Change in work hours or conditions 20

32. Change in residence 20

33. Change in school 20

34. Change in recreation 19

35. Change in religious activities 19

36. Change in social activities 18

37. Loan less than 50,000 17

38. Change in sleeping habits 16

39. Change in number of family get- togethers 15

40. Change in eating habits 15

41. Single Person Living Alone 14

42. Vacation 13

43. Holidays 12

44. Minor violation of laws 11

45. Other * 

Marge D. in Iowa

 

Dear Marge:

Thank You for sharing this list of stressful life events.  Many will find the information valuable.

This do-it-yourself stress test was developed by Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe University of Washington School of Medicine.

Isn’t it curious how far apart the values of trouble with the boss and getting fired are? 

My how things have changed!

Mrs. Figgins

Advice, How To, Love, Retirement

The art of the picnic.

 

 

Plan a romantic al fresco picnic for two, an intimate group of friends or the entire family. 

Picnics are special, affordable and a fun way to show you care.   They build wonderful memories. 

Create simple snacks, lunch, hors d’oeuvres or light dinners.  

The initial investment for the staples (picnic basket, blanket & accessories) can range from the very affordable to extravagant.  However, once you have the staples, your costs will be mainly for the food and drinks. 

Rule #1:  MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A BREEZE.  

Don’t over pack!  Remember it’s the quality of the time spent together, enhanced by elegant simplicity.  It is not the quantity of things you schlep.   

Location:  If you know of a great picnic spot, stick with it.   A new location can bring unwanted surprises, so if you’re selecting a new location, make sure to take a dry run.  

Your picnic area should be reasonably close to your auto.  Expect that you’ll need to return for one thing or another.

Check List: 

• Picnic blanket

• Picnic basket with accessories.   There are many lovely disposable accessories, including plates, cutlery, water glasses, wine glasses, napkins (make sure to pack plenty).   Try them, you’ll like them!    You don’t want to schlep unnecessary items back to wash at home.  You’ll want to relax after a lovely picnic.

• Small cooler (optional).

• CD (not too loud if there are others close by!)

• Food

• Drink 

• Candles for evening rendezvous!

Back up:  Check the weather conditions ahead of time.   In areas where the weather is unpredictable, have a back up location.   Indoor spots can be every bit as wonderful.

Picnics are supposed to be fun.  Once you master the romantic art of the picnic, you’ll be hooked!

Leave your worries behind and make beautiful memories. 

 

Check out Mrs. Figgins picnic food & drink ideas!

Advice, How To, Love, More Finds, Relationships, Retirement