Ask Dr Romance – by Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

In it together!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband underwent a radical prostatectomy.  He’s been depressed thinking he won’t be the same man because of problems with his erections. 

Actually, he’s too embarrassed to talk with anyone about the fact that there’s no ejaculation.

We have always had a wonderful loving relationship.  I keep telling him he’s the love of my life and nothing will or could ever change that. 

Brooke, Seattle

 

Dear Brooke:

Even if the doctor went over the details of the surgery, effects and recovery –  it still may have been overwhelming to your husband at the time.   No doubt your husband’s doctor will be happy to go over the details once more. 

Your husband has gone thru a traumatic procedure and recovery will take time, and so will the ability to have an erection.    

According to the University of Pittsburg Cancer Institute, after a radical prostatectomy, most men will not be able to get a spontaneous erection for 3 – 12 months.   Men experience “dry orgasms” in which there is no ejaculation, therefore, medication may be needed to enable an erection.     

“The reason is that the two structures responsible for most of the fluid in semen – the prostate and the seminal vesicles – have been removed.  The vas deferens, the tube which transports sperm from the testicles, has been shut off.  This lack of fluid emission h as no connection to and does not interfere with a man’s ability to feel sexual desire and arousal, or achieve orgasm.” 

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on relationships & everyday issues by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, Love, Topics

Empty

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:  

Me and my husband  have been married 29 years and have beautiful childrens away from home and busy. with their lifes.  

My concentration all the years was the childrens and everything Eduard.  He is a good business man but his concentration is always  Eduard.  He had many girlfreinds but I think no more.  Difficile.   

I have too good freinds but when I return home I find myself very alone, very lonely and ready to leave.  

I try with my heart and body for these years. There is no more left.  So many times I sit alone and criy to my own.   My life feels alone in the big ocean and no land to see.

My childrens for a long while bring this conversation to me.    They love their father but they know my life. 

They want me to give me a new beginning and live with them but this is not a good idea.  Childrens need their private life.  

Is it bad to want more for me?  

Adelais, Marseille

 

Dear Adelais:  

Life is a ball of compromises, and it sounds like you’ve made them.  

Sometimes life doesn’t make the turns we counted on, but you have been a loving  mother blessed you with great children.  

While your children’s love and support is important - they are living “their” life now.  Only you know if you’re ready to move on – and how you want to now live “your” life.  

Change is scary, but so is treading in the ocean with no land in sight.  

Talk with Eduard and let him know of your unhappiness.  Tell him of your decision.

There may be difficult days ahead, but then – sunshine breaks thru. 

You deserve happiness.  You deserve to finally reach land. 

La terre est proche, Adelais.   Avoir foi en Dieu. 

Mrs. Figgins    

 

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Advice, Love

Good bet?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 I’m about to retire – and want to start a little side business.   Wife’s against it because we would need to dip into our retirement, and if the plan fails it would be real hard.  

Went to the small business bureau, and I think they’re another government front.

Went to the bank because I  thought the government wanted banks to lend to kick the economy back into action.   Doesn’t  seem promising and that leaves going into retirment money..

I’m having some problems getting the wife to go along with this plan but I feel that if I don’t go after my dreams now, when will I ever get the chance.

Bill in  Texarkana

 

Dear Bill:

A wife is the person who tells you to slow down – when you’re moving too fast. 

 The bank is the place that loans you money -  when you can prove you don’t need it  – or even want it!  

These are times of uncertainty, Bill.   Unless you can aford to gamble and possibly lose, slow down and don’t gamble the farm.   

My advice:  Bet on your wife’s intuition.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice, Love, Retirement

Having Fun!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My mother and I don’t see eye to eye on me having a girlfriend.    My father sits and lets my mother make the  decision.

She’s afraid I’m going to end up making a girl pregnant, I would have to talk with the police or something.  I’m almost 16 years old. 

My family is  Mormon’s.  My wish is to have a girlfriend I can have clean fun.  Dance, go to the beaches but not have sex.

 I don’t think that to have a girlfriend at my age is to soon. 

Do you think my thinking is croked?  

Guiherme, Brazil

 

Dear Guiherme:

There is nothing “crooked” or wrong about your request.  You sound like a healthy young man with normal desires.

You’re parents are protective because if you make bad decisions your life could become “much more complicated than a conversation with the police or something”.  A single irresponsible act can alter your carefree young life forever. 

As a mormon your faith encourages you to remain sexually pure, and by your letter, it seems like you respect this tenet.

Talk with your parents  and ask what rules they would want you to abide by which would give them a level of comfort and allow you to have a girlfriend.    This is the correct approach. 

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Keeping communication open.

Dear Mrs. Figgins:
 
I love my  fiancé alot, and I’m quite afraid to write this letter.

He has a bed wetting problem and he’s is so embarrassed he refuses to really talk about it or see a doctor.  
 
He’s very loving and I feel so bad for him.  I know he’s angry about his problem, and don’t want to do or say anything to ruin our relationship and yet I want to help him beacause I love him.
 
Can you please give me some help please?
 
Jordan, Milwaukee

 

Dear Jordan:
 
Although this has to be difficult for your  fiancé,  incontinence is treatable and often curable at all ages.

Indeed, urinary incontinence affects older men more often than younger men, but the onset of incontinence can happen at any age. 

In men, incontinence occurs because of problems with muscles that help to hold or release urine.

 He is not alone – and neither are you.

Encourage him to talk with his doctor.  As with anything, the sooner you tackle the situation, the better.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice, Love, Relationships

A stepping stone

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I attend a Design and Technology school.
 
A guy in one of my classes is driving some of us crazy.   He’s loud, hums under his breath, gets involved in everybody’s conversation, has a nervous knee, and laughs out loud to the point of distraction at his own jokes that aren’t remotely funny.  
 
I’ve been raised to be polite but I think that ability is almost gone. 
 
I’m going to school for an education not to go nuts.
 
Do you have any suggestions?
 
Mike, Tampa

 

Dear Mike:
 
Unfortunately, it sounds like your classmate doesn’t have social skills.
 
You and your fellow students should explain the problem to the instructor and hopefully he or she will be able to remedy the situation.
 
If the instructor isn’t successful, my best advice is for you to relocate to another part of the classroom. 

Do your best to practice staying centered and focused.   Life will throw many of these distractions and consider this an easy lesson.
 
Allowing yourself to go nuts won’t help with the diploma your working so hard to get.
 
Remember, this class is a temporary stepping stone.
 
You can do it, Mike.
 
Mrs. Figgins

 

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Free Advice On Relationships & Everyday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Advice, How To, Love

Makes A True Relationship.

 

Dear Mrs Figgins,

I dont know if this works like this, that if i can email you to ask advice or if i am supposed to do it on your page.

I’ve been battling with this for quite some time and i dont know who to turn to.

You see, i have been in a relationship with this guy for more than a year now.  Like every relationship we’ve had our ups and downs.  But this is something we cannot overcome ever, unless he will make an effort, but he wont.

You see, he cheated on me with another girl who i have felt very suspicious about. I confronted him about it and he said that they are just friends.

Then i found out.  He “left” her and now we are back together again.  Everything should be fine, except that i dont trust him and that he is still friends with this girl.

I asked him to stop his friendship with her and he refused saying that he could not (and that he didn’t know why).

She cheated on him with his friend and now she is currently dating the friend.  He said that after their studies they will only talk SOMETIMES by text messages, emails, online etc, that “its not like everyday or something, like you and me”.

I have talked to him about this so many time and every time he become angry saying that its my fault; its because i cannot trust him.  And because apparently i make him feel as if i was better than him that i do “diplomatic” talk on him… I dont know what that even means or what that has to do with this!!  Thus, turning the conversation around.

Trust doesn’t have anything to do with this. Its the pain i feel, the huge pain that is eating me alive. Ive tried to give him examples where i ask him to imagine to be me. And he still wont get it.

He said that he chose me, and that she and him are just friends… Friends who he tells about his problems to… because she understand… because they used to be good friends before their intimate relationship….

I dont want to leave him because i love him and because i want a life with him

But i dont know how to overcome this… Should i accept this… or not?

Please help me

Best wishes,

Nora, Europe

 

Dear Nora:

Without trust there can be no relationship, and you have neither with this guy.

Do you really want to make a life with a man that has lied and cheated?   Do you think he’ll never do this again?  You can bet he will. 

Cheaters usually have the uncanny ability to turn things around and make it feel like it’s someone elses fault. 

Yes, if he cared about your feelings, he should have done anything and everything humanly possible to make you feel secure and build trust again – when he had the chance.  But he didn’t.   This situation is making you lose your way.  It is tearing down your self esteem and it will surely only bring you more pain.

 LEAVE HIM.  You owe him not a thing.  This is not the man you want to build a life around or someday have children with.

I always ask this question:  “what would you say to your daughter if she were in your situation?”.  If not for yourself now, do it for the example you will want to be someday.

The respect that you give yourself is the respect others will give you.

NO you should not accept this now or ever. 

Your inner voice is guiding you.  Take back your life and your dignity.  You are worth so much more. 

Stand up and stand tall, Nora.   You can do it.

My best wishes to you, too.

Mrs. Figgins 

 

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Advice, Love, Relationships

Just Keep Going

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I need help.    I started dating a guy and everything was going amazing, he told me I was perfect for him and everything.

We had stopped talking because of people getting involved.  

Then we started talking and dating again. We had sex and stopped talking.

We started talking again after that and had sex again and stopped talking again.

He got into a relationship so my friends told me that I should get over him, but my instincts were telling me not to.

I saw him at a party, and the whole night he stared at me and talked about me to his friends.

That very next weekend, I saw him again. After I had seen him the second time, he broke up with his girlfriend. I tried writing him a message, but he didnt respond.

I think its cause he wanted me to talk to him in person.

I cant get over him and I need help.

Lisa

 

Dear Lisa:

Lisa, your instincts can’t be trusted.

This was about sex, and nothing else.

He is not worth it. 

You may not value yourself, but someday you may have kids- and their wellbeing will be infinitely more important than an “amazing” moment of sex.  Ask yourself, Is this the horrific seesaw that you want for them?   I hope not.

DUMP THIS GUY AND DON’T LOOK BACK – EVER AGAIN.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice, Love, Relationships